New Life Story Seeds #12
Prelude to the Prelude
Dear Friends,
Welcome to the 12th issue of New Life Story Seeds. Thank you so much for the outpouring of supportive email messages and cards in recent weeks as I am emboldened to tell my new- life-story-in-the-making more and more openly. The chaos and uncertainty continue--computer crashes, erratic schedules, and all--and life is nothing if not exciting these days.
We're growing, thanks to your recommendations and forwards to your friends, with over 300 subscribers scattered all over the globe. I find it amusing how two of my most cherished ambitions--having international contacts and living in harmony with the seasons-- intersect. Just as I think about the coming of spring in New York, I remember our southern hemisphere subscribers who are swinging into fall. This week, Mother Nature graced us with April snow on green leaves and magnolia blossoms. Perfect!
This month's New Life Story Seeds contains a quotation from Tagore, more juicy questions, the continuing saga in Hearth and Soul, and the books/links/resources section. There's also an extra feature in this issue: notes on personal development from coach, writer, and psychotherapist, Phil Humbert.
I'm pleased to announce that I've been asked to write a series of essays for StoryTeller email magazine. The first article, "The Psychological Uses of Story Telling," has just appeared in the latest edition. If you're serious about writing, you'll want to subscribe to this resource-full magazine. You can read my article by subscribing to StoryTeller.
Computer crashes seem to be in the air these days. If you subscribe to Jennifer Louden's Comfort Queen Newsletter, you'll need to resubscribe in order to keep receiving the newsletter. If you're not a subscriber yet, you're missing a lot, especially with great new developments in the works. Be sure to see the resource link in the books/links/resources section and subscribe or resubscribe.
Feedback, comments, questions, and conversations are always welcome. My aim is to answer every email as soon as I receive it. If you don't hear from me right away, it means I'm buried under a pile of papers in the far corner of my office, so just send me another message with the subject in caps. I should rally immediately.
Wishing you new life stories and a blossoming in whatever season of the heart or year you find yourself,
Ellen Moore
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In This Issue
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A Thoughtful Quotation Juicy Questions Hearth and Soul Invest in Your Personal Development (Guest Article) Resources/Books/Links
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A Thoughtful Quotation
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I have spent my day stringing and unstringing my instrument, while the song I came to sing remains unsung.
Rabindranath Tagore 1913 Nobel Laureate in Literature
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Juicy Questions
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How are you spending your day today?
How are you living your life?
When do you find yourself "stringing and unstringing" instead of "singing?"
What happens when you decide to move forward with your life?
When are sitting still and stringing and restringing absolutely necessary?
When are they actually a part of the process of moving forward?
When are they an avoidance of your "song?"
What is the song you came here to sing?
What is the source of that song?
Are you ready to sing?
How do you take care of your instrument?
When are you in a preparation phase?
When do you need to set preparations aside in order to get on with the business of living?
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Hearth and Soul
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Tuesday, March 14, 2000
I wake up with an old hymn-tune in my mind and a half- remembered dream about Larry. I dream of him less in the weeks since his death (New Life Story Seeds #10), have fewer dreams about fire and snow. Mostly now he's a shadowy presence in my dreams, a misty mirror, a silent witness.
The song goes round and round in my mind all day. I remember the tune, but only a few of the words. "Da da da DAH da, da da da DAH, O what a fore-taste of glo-ry di- vine!" "Blessed Assurance" is its name, and it brings back memories of my early childhood--an out-of-tune piano, sticky-varnished pine pews, August nights with my sweaty head on my mamma's lap, the fluttering of The Last Supper cardboard fans from Houston Brothers Funeral Home, the spinster aunts' ruined voices bleating out the melody a beat behind the rest of the congregation. I'm glad to be far away from all that moral earnestness and certainty, but those old songs do a number on my memories and emotions, dredging up feelings I didn't realize were there. A web of associations and nostalgic states. Visions of my pioneer great-grandparents who sang that song so often.
I used to sit in Larry's waiting room and find myself flooded with all these feelings and images for no discernible reason. What was triggering them? I finally figured out it was the music. Almost subliminal. That innocuous New Age music was at such a low volume I hardly knew it was there, yet imbedded in it were ancient hymn tunes that brought up mind-pictures of my childhood and of my ancestors. Mental pictures swelled up in some kind of cellular memory--covered wagons, the plowing of the virgin prairie, the joys and hardships of farm life, tent revivals. Sudden and unbidden tears.
When I told Larry how my unconscious mind was cracked open by the music, he just nodded and skittered that enigmatic smile across his face, as if to say he'd planned it that way.
I can't get that tune out of my mind, so it's "Blessed Assurance" and memories of Larry all day.
Monday, March 15, 2000
The program. Is it working? Is it not? Is it too soon to tell? Probably.
The first few days are awful: extreme irritability, more achiness than usual, nausea, and a generally rotten feeling. All to be expected, they say. It's hard work, and it feels as if I'm a circus performer spinning a hundred plates in the air. So many things to do in one day, and there seems to be no way to get all these foods and substances into my body on a regular basis.
One day I drink the full two quarts of water and work up to nearly a gallon, but I don't get the wheatgrass juice made. Another day I get all the juices and salads, but drink less water. The wheatgrass juice isn't so bad when diluted with other juices, but it's a fair amount of work. Then there are the between meal-pills and the with- meal capsules, and I'm supposed to wait an hour after a meal before drinking water, and not drink it less than a half hour before a meal. As I'm waiting for time to eat or drink water, suddenly it's late, and it's time to go to bed. Oy! It's a full-time job.
But I think I may be feeling a tiny bit better. It's hard to tell. The pain and fatigue are still there, but there's a buoyancy that defies description. Is it physical? Mental? Both? Maybe it's just the coming of warm weather, the thought of spring break, and a possible vacation before classes start in the fall.
It's very slow going, and I'm in a hurry to feel better. I know patience is the key, but as the old saying goes, "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired." I express my impatience to my doctor: "Isn't there any way to speed up this process? Can't you increase the remedy? I need to get on with my life."
"You ARE getting on with your life," he says. "You're healing. This is what getting on with your life looks like right now."
Thursday, March 16, 2000
Drat! My health club renewal. I didn't pay it; Emilio didn't pay it; and Mandy from The Ambassador calls to let me know it's overdue and to ask when the check will be coming in. "Right away," I say. But on the way home from class, I decide to take a look at the new Korean spa down the road. The Ambassador renewal took a hearty jump in price this year, and well, it never hurts to look.
As I walk in, I'm struck by the soaring, simple design. Glass, granite, mirrors, a stately staircase up to the café and holistic treatment center. Blooming plants on pedestals, immaculate floors. Almost-inaudible celestial New Age and Baroque music--flutes, harps, guitars, chamber orchestras. The staff behind the counter wear business suits and talk in hushed tones. There's something about this place--but I can't put my finger on it. There's more going on here than meets the eye--I can feel it. The hair on the back of my neck stands up.
Jamie is assigned to give me the grand tour. She must be speaking English, but I don't understand the answers to my questions, except that I'm sure they're not the answers to the questions I ask. We smile and pantomime to each other.
The weight room is fitted out with all the latest equipment. There are the requisite mirrors, but no loud "pump up" music. Instead, there are signs posted with "Shhhhhh," and "Please lower your voice."
Above the pool is a two-story space with painted clouds on the walls. Tall windows, potted plants. This is bigger than the Ambassador's pool, and there's no deep water to make me nervous. "What is the length of the pool?" I ask. "Five feet," says Jamie. I try again. "How looonnnng is the pool?" making a long, sweeping motion. "Five feet," she says, more confident, more emphatic this time. "Oh," I say, not knowing where to go from there. I guess it to be about 80 feet long.
To get to the spa area (women only--the men have their own separate area on the other side of the building), we have to park our shoes on a shelf and go barefoot. Fresh flowers in the dressing room. Open space everywhere. There are hot and cold pools, and a warm pool with scented oil in the water, a different fragrance each day- -pine, lavender, linden, juniper, rosemary. All the showers are open-- against the walls. Somehow, it's right and natural to see naked women of all sizes and shapes walk around, comfortable in their bodies just the way they are.
Now the big question: It all depends on one thing--the temperature of the water. The Ambassador is 83 degrees before noon--bearable--but when it slips down to 82 or 81 after lunch, my muscles lock up, so that limits my use of the pool. "Temperature?" I say, making shivering motions and pointing to the pool. "Eighty four degrees." I nearly swoon with happiness. That's all the English I need.
Jamie takes my elbow to help me up the stairs to her office. On the way, she shows me the holistic treatment center--rooms for various oriental healing therapies, different kinds of massage, energy balancing, aura work. Rooms for ki gong and dahn (apparently similar to yoga), aerobics, martial arts, meditation. A fountain, a labyrinth-like path, a bronze statue of the human body with the 12 meridians mapped out in black lines and dots. And it's so blissfully quiet. A meditative calm everywhere.
I tell Jamie I'll think about the trial membership and call her back. "Fine," she says. "Just give me a call. Here's my card." I get in the car to go home, but as I put the car in gear, I think "Wait a minute. What's the most important thing in my life? Without health, I have nothing. A jump- start is what I need, isn't it? What about a year-long jump start?" I long to be in this beautiful, inspiring place. I long to belong here with these glowing, happy people. I could come here every day.
When I walk back inside, the staff break into big smiles and call me by name. I tell them I've come back to find Jamie and give her some money. To a woman, they squeal with delight. "Page Jamie! Page Jamie! She's joining us! She's joining us!" Amy and Sarah jump up and down, hug each other, and open a box of candy. Jamie flies down the stairs with papers in her hand. She sits me down at a table and brings the papers to me with two pieces of candy, putting one in front of me, one in front of her. "No thanks," I say, and smile because I really don't want any. She pushes the candy aside, and I sign the papers.
"Can I swim right now, this minute?" I ask.
"Sure," says Jamie. "Get your suit--that's all you'll need."
As I slip into the heavenly-warm water, I notice the tinkly New Age harp music and wonder why I'm thinking of Larry again. Why so intensely? Was it was that e-mail message from C. with a new poem dedicated to Larry? "All the things I told you have burned away," she wrote. It made me cry.
I float and go limp and listen to the music I can barely hear. The water holds me up. The water supports me. Such a miracle is life! I start humming along with the music, and suddenly a rich mix of feelings begins to well up- relief, profound sadness, joy, the sense of having regained something precious, gratitude, of having renewed hope for my life and my health. Tears of indeterminate source. I give silent thanks for being able to walk from the parking lot to the door, for being able to climb up and down a flight of stairs, for being able to swim for a few minutes at a time.
A swirl of thoughts. This is such a beautiful place, and everyone I've met here has been so wonderful--unusually helpful, interested, caring. There's a deep sense of strength, respect, and connection. Somehow it feels like coming home, even though it's very far from home on every level. I belong here now. Maybe I can restore my broken instrument here. Maybe the dahn masters can help me--I will reach out to them. Maybe they know something about instrument repair I don't know. Maybe, just maybe I won't have to die with my music still inside me. What if the universe is a friendly place after all?
I keep humming to the music from the sound system, and now toward the very end of the tune, I suddenly realize:
"I think I know this song."
"This is my sto-ry, this is my song, Da da da DAH da, da da da DAH." It must be the same tape Larry had playing in his waiting room that last time I saw him. Archetypal memories. More eerie images of my child self and of forbears on the Midwestern plains. Log cabins. Kitchen gardens. Prairie Chapel Cemetery where Frank and Polly-- my great-great grandparents--lie beneath a broken pedestal covered with a mound of briars. I laugh aloud through my tears to think I believed "Blessed Assurance" so far behind me.
"...to make an end is to make a beginning, "wrote T. S. Eliot. "The end is where we start from." There's another part to the quotation I can't remember. Something about returning to where we began and knowing the place for the first time.
I hope it's a beginning. I want to know this place.
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Invest in Your Personal Development--by Phil Humbert
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1. Invest in your Dreams. I continue to meet folks who are not clear about their goals or their dreams. Success does NOT work that way! Here are two investments you must make to control your future: (1) Invest 10 minutes every morning to define and affirm your goals. Write them down. Visualize them. Talk about them. 10 minutes, every morning! And, (2) Take an action step every day. Do something that moves you in the direction you want to go.
2. Invest in Time and Space. Most of us live with cluttered desks, cluttered schedules, and cluttered lives. Human beings can not do our best when we are surrounded by clutter! Peak performance requires focus, organization, concentration and freedom. Your environment is a pretty good reflection of your priorities. Clean it up. Eliminate the things that distract you. Fix or replace things that get in the way and frustrate you. Give yourself your best chance for success!
3. Invest in Connectivity. In technology, this refers to broadband, high-speed communications. It means the same thing here. Success requires high-speed, effective communication in your relationships, and with yourself. Invest in clarity. Invest in understanding. Invest in patience and caring and sharing. Invest in yourself and your loved ones, and expand your network as far as you can reach. The larger and more efficient your "connected network", the more successful you will be.
4. Invest in Skills and Education. This is on the list because it is essential, but it is last on the list because your Dreams, your Environment and your Connections are even more important. But, in the end, you have to actually know something! You have to be able to produce, to create, to solve problems, and get stuff done! That means learning new skills, every day! Whatever your profession, be the BEST! Understand and use the best tools and most appropriate skills. Invest in your toolbox! I am convinced that if you do not invest in yourself, in your dreams and in your community, you are actually making a choice for obsolescence. Without continuous personal growth, you are reducing your future income, and even more, you are reducing your opportunities and your options.
Someone has said, "the future belongs to those who are prepared". Make sure you have the freedom and focus to seize the day! Make sure that when opportunity knocks, you have the clarity, the time and space, and the skills to answer the door! Invest in yourself, either with a personal mentor, or with books and tapes, and take time to plan. Invest for the LIFE you want tomorrow!
By Phil Humbert, Ph.D.
Dr Humbert is available for individual and group coaching. Every serious athlete has a coach. Is your success any less important? There are numerous free tools and resources on his website, including a motivational screensaver, and a new, free ebook. Send an email to Coach@philiphumbert.com for a free initial consultation and visit his website.
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Resources/Books/Links
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Noted for his poetry, prose, and spiritual insights, Tagore tells "we were born for something wildly and brilliantly better," writes Jon Spayde of Utne Reader. He lifts us to the heights of human aspiration and values. He was the first Asian writer to win the Nobel Prize for Literature. To explore his luminous writings, you might want to begin with these links:
mockingbird.creighton.edu/english/worldlit/wldocs/texts/india/tagore.htm www.gl.umbc.edu/~achatt1/Bio/rabi.html www.indiaworld.co.in/subscribe/rec/stories/may27-98essaytag.html nobelprizes.com/nobel/literature/1913a.html
Books by Rabindranath Tagore:
Rabindranath Tagore, I Won't Let You Go: Selected Poems, Ketaki Kushari Dyson (Translator). Paperback.
Gitanjali: A Collection of Prose Translations Made by the Author from the Original Bengali, William Butler Yeats (Introduction). Paperback (August 1997).
The Crescent Moon: Prose Poems, Rabindranath Tagore et al. Audio Cassette (March 1996).
The Heart of God: Prayers of Rabindranath Tagore, by Herbert F. Vetter(Editor), Rabindranath Tagore. Hardcover (September 1997).
The Home and the World (Penguin Twentieth Century Classics), Rabindranath Tagore et al. Paperback (April 1996).
Have you read the rave reviews about the online courses at Writes of the Imagination? Is it time for you to nurture your creative life? Then check out the course offerings for Spring Semester. Registration closes April 29, so get ready to commit to taking care of your deepest needs. Courses include a series of four creative writing classes of six weeks each (Getting Started, Keeping the Dream Alive, Breaking Through Writer's Block, Writing and Revising) and a two-part novel writing series (Getting Started, Writing It!). Other courses are: Creativity, Independence, and Spirit, The New Diary in the New Millennium, Your Life as Story, Write With Style, and a new class called Wisdom From Our Mentors: Inspiration for the Writing Life. You'll find inspiring teachers, a community of enthusiastic fellow writers, and surprisingly affordable fees.
Kay Richard has written a wonderful series of articles on writing and health. You can read them at:
members.xoom.com/jrnlwtr/column members.xoom.com/jrnlwtr/tgncol2.htm members.xoom.com/jrnlwtr/tgncol3.htm members.xoom.com/jrnlwtr/tgncol4.htm
Ahhhhhhhh, comfort! In this age of information overload, stress, and rush-rush/run-run, we all need a healthy portion of comfort. Revel in the deep comfort to be found at Jennifer Louden's wonderful website. She also has a new book coming out in May, The Comfort Queen's Guide to Life, along with luscious comfort goods, starting with greetings cards and journals by Portal. http://www.comfortqueen.com/ will soon be an interactive daily living site that is like walking into your best friend's house, relaxing onto her fluffy couch, knowing she has just what you need that day: inspirational advice, comforting ideas and even a few goodies. Subscribe to her comfort reminders, use her weekly inner organizer, send yourself a love note or someone you love a comfort card, or talk to other comfort mavens about how you live by what you treasure. It's all coming soon! Sign up now.
If you're interested in writing for children or young people, by all means, look into joining The Society of Children's Book Writers and Illustrators. This is the premiere organization and clearing house of information for children's book creators.
Time to "reach out and touch someone?" The weekly Penpals and More Newsletter, brings you free penpal listings, email pals, snailmail pals and more, right to your inbox every week. There's everything from hobbies and swaps to dating and just keeping in touch. To subscribe.
Awaken to the fullness of life with SoulfulLiving, an online guide for whole life living. Soulful themes of interest are explored each month with highly-regarded experts and best- selling authors in a soulful and interactive environment, rich with meaning and connection, for souls seeking something more from life and the Internet. This month, the focus is on turning our attention inward and healing our souls through written self-expression. Soulful Features include articles by communications and writing authority, Henriette Klauser; journaling expert and workshop leader, Eldonna Bouton; journaling teacher and psychotherapist, Kathleen Adams; personal coach and journaling authority, Joyce Chapman; autobiographical writing expert and teacher, Tristine Rainer; minister and life coach, Ray Whiting; an artist and hypnotherapist, Lori Dixon. Many other wonderful resources, including Soulful Connection, a soulful discussion for like-minded souls. Visit this beautiful and inspiring site today, and be sure to enter to win a set of three gemstone journals from Ventana.
Writers Open Workshop contains 50+ markets in every issue, features on selling your work world wide, interviews and book reviews. Recently featured in wired.com/ and new Statesman. www.welcome.to/Regentbooks/ or email voyagemag@zyworld.com
Got all your ducks in a row? Turn plans into accomplishments! Create quality relationships! Maintain healthy balance! Successful people do all three, says Roberta Shaler, PhD, speaker, consultant, executive coach and psychotherapist. Her free weekly ezine-Life Lined Up!- will give you the tools, insights, ideas and strategies to achieve your highest goals. Dr. Shaler will guide you to find your purpose and passions, AND offer weekly support and strategies for staying on the path to SUCCESS ON YOUR OWN TERMS! Subscribe now and check out the many resources on her web page.
Check out the world's largest directory of links to spiritual, personal growth, and healing-related web pages. Learn about nature's way to health with body, mind, and soul healer, Rita Louise, ND. With over 20 years of healing experience, Dr. Louise works with "the whole person," addressing physical, emotional, and spiritual issues to prevent and heal illness and to restore harmony and order to all levels of human functioning. She employs medical intuition, clairvoyant readings, nutritional counseling, health assessment, vibrational healing, and spiritual counseling. Dr. Louise can work with you by phone, and can schedule a consultation by email. Be sure to bookmark her site for future reference.
It's new! It's gorgeous! It's inspiring! And you can get an issue of RealSimple Magazine for free. A guide to serene spaces, one-dish dinners, getting rid of junk mail, stressless living, small pleasures, and creating calm in the midst of chaos. Take time to reflect and recharge, choose quality over quantity, know the power of simple beauty, and nourish your body and soul. Order your free trial issue today.
From Lisa Lorden's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome page at About.com/: WRITE NOW: Maintaining a Creative Spirit While Homebound and Ill, by Susan Dion. This guide to maintaining the creative spirit through writing while ill and homebound is available without charge to patient groups, service providers, and others. The book is made possible through a generous grant from the Puffin Foundation Ltd. And via support from the Townsend Press. The Puffin Foundation supports projects that encourage "a dialogue between art and the lives of ordinary people." The 92-page WRITE NOW provides many insights on the benefits of writing when one is ill, limited, or confined for lengthy periods. The guide suggests numerous ideas and exercises to tap a creative spirit, covering everything from lists and letters to poems and fiction. Several people living with long-term health problems share thoughts and writings in the volume. They range from teenager to elderly; from several months to a lifetime of disability; from novice writer to published poet; and from Connecticut to California. WRITE NOW offers a welcome dose of help and hope to all.
WRITE NOW has been used by people of varied ages and circumstances throughout the U.S. and abroad. They've coped with diverse illnesses, disabilities, and injuries. While many have benefited from using WRITE NOW at home, the guide also has been successfully utilized in hospices, assisted-living communities, hospitals, veterans' health agencies, and nursing homes; by support groups and out- patient services; in counseling and occupational, recreational, and art therapies; and more. To disseminate the guide to a wide audience, there is an unusually generous open-duplication policy: organizations, agencies, or individuals are encouraged to make additional copies for others.
To receive a free print copy of WRITE NOW, please send a self-addressed and stamped ($1.21 in postage), 6x9 (oversized) envelope. For print requests outside the U.S.A., send eight international postal coupons or $5.00, U. S. funds.) The guide is available for desktop publishing or personal use on a Macintosh in Microsoft Word 4.0 in consecutive-page and printer's saddle-stitch forms. To receive, send a 3.5" disk (DD or HD) and self-addressed, appropriately-sized return mailer with correct postage. Address requests and all correspondence to: S. Dion/WRITE NOW, 432 Ives Avenue, Carneys Point, New Jersey, 08069 U.S.A.
Did you feast on Sylvia Plath's journals in the 1980's and wish you could write like her, but without all the angst? Her full, unexpurgated (except for the pages Ted burned) journals are now newly published. There's an analysis of the new material by Katherine Viner: "Who Is Sylvia?"
You might also enjoy a Telegraph article, offering its own analysis of the journals:
"The 'Demon' That Killed Sylvia."
If you love birds, like to feed them, or enjoy birding, you'll be thrilled with the resource-packed Wild Birds site. If you're lucky enough to live near one of their retail stores, you're in for a treat! They're staffed by knowledgeable and helpful employees who care about birds as much as you do. Now's the time to plant for attracting birds and butterflies.
Don't forget to subscribe to Journey, the monthly newsletter from Writing The Journey. Check out the Online Journal Writing Workshop, too. You'll find articles, contests, exercises, community updates, and much more..
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© Copyright 2000 Ellen Moore, Ph.D.
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