Why
Stories Matter
New Life Story Seeds # 17
Dear Friends,
You've been suggesting and asking, and I am listening. As a
result of your feedback, exciting new developments are afoot
at New Life Stories. See
"Telecommunity: An
Invitation,"
for your opportunity to participate in an upcoming free
event!
A hearty thank-you to all of you who took the time to send
newsletter critiques to enter the drawing for a New Life
Stories mug. I really appreciate
your effort, wisdom, and
insight. Congratulations to the
five winners:
Jill Wandas
Radhakrishnan P. Nair
Maggie Knorr
Jan Squadrito
Karin Tusting
UPS got the mugs to New York, West Virginia, Michigan,
England, and Saudi Arabia in record time.
In this issue, a series of articles on the New Life Stories
process begins with the first section of a two-part article,
"Why Stories Matter," and a new column entitled "Moving
Forward." In the next issue,
the "Hearth and Soul" column
will become "Secret Gardens." Look
for more changes in the
near future!
Wishing you wonderful new life stories,
Ellen Moore
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In This Issue
=======================================================
A Thoughtful Quotation
Juicy Questions
Hearth and Soul
Telecommunity: An Invitation
Why Stories Matter (Part 1)
Moving Forward
Books/Links/Resources
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A Thoughtful Quotation
=======================================================
There is no mystery about art. Do the things that you can
see; they will show you those that you cannot see. By doing
what you can you will gradually get to know what it is that
you want to do and cannot do, and so be able to do it.
Samuel Butler
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Juicy Questions
=======================================================
For you, what is the relationship of the visible world to
the invisible?
At the present time, what can you do? What
can’t you do?
Why?
What is presently hidden, unknown, uncertain in your life?
As you watch your life unfold, what surprises greet you?
To what extent do you “make things happen,” as opposed to
“allowing them to happen themselves upon you?”
In what areas do you sometimes doubt your ability to bring
about the outcomes you so greatly desire?
What gives you confidence to begin when you're not sure what
you're doing?
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Hearth and Soul
=======================================================
Monday, April 6, 2001
"Wouldn't you like to have a garden swing like this in the
back yard?" I say to Emilio, showing him the magazine
picture.
"Certainly not," he says
"Too exciting?" I ask.
"El-len, by all means get a garden swing if you want one,
but you know I refuse to engage in dangerous, risk-taking
behavior," he says. I laugh,
but I know he's only half-
joking. I'd barely managed to lure
him outside for a rare
patio-sit by promising him a chance to see the chipmunks
feeding and frolicking at dusk.
"The fresh air will do you good," I tell him.
"I have fresh air in my study," he says, punching the air
with his cigar.
I am one with nature; he is two. He
doesn't need to remind
me of his oft-repeated motto from Pascal: "All troubles come
to those who do not know how to sit quietly in their rooms."
He's in rare form today. We banter. I sip my Mexican
cinnamon coffee. He smokes. The sky
glowers with an eerie
glow as thunder rolls through the still-bare trees.
Finally, he raises his forefinger and assumes his
characteristic pronouncement posture. "He
is going inside
where he belongs," he announces majestically.
"She will join him at sundown or in case of rain," I say,
waving goodbye.
I turn to my patio work table and dive back into my stack of
magazines, fascinated by photographs of arbors, pergolas,
and gazebos. The sun-room additions
call to me with dreams
of winter sun flooding my writing desk.
This is the first year we've had anything resembling a
yard. A crew of five worked two
days to clear a good
portion of both front and back yards of jungle-like
overgrowth, impenetrable thickets, and dead trees and
bushes. Instead of living in a
dead-but-enchanted forest,
we find ourselves on a rather ordinary half acre with
neighboring houses in full view on either side and across
the street.
Now that some of the tangles are gone, I find perennials
I've never seen before. Clumps of
snowdrops, crocuses,
daffodils, wild violets, stands of forsythia. They bloomed
in their secret places all along, but the overgrowth
obscured them.
With the underbrush cleared away, I fantasize about creating
a quiet place for reading and writing. I've
forever dreamed
of a secret garden, a wisteria-covered brick-walled English
garden with a heavy wooden gate. Tea
roses, lavender,
rosemary, Russian sage, delphiniums, jasmine, bergamot,
artemisia, sweet woodruff, bloodroot, lemon verbena, and
tuberoses, with creeping thyme between the flagstones. A
table big enough to hold an armload of books and journals,
an enormous tea tray, and a dish of strawberries. A chaise
lounge for napping, of course.
One day, perhaps.
In the meantime, I could find a sheltered nook among the
trees and wall it off with lattices and quick-growing
vines. I could begin today, choose
a spot, get a new table
and chair, buy the lattice and vines,
I turn to my journal and make a list:
Pick out spot for secret garden
Get table, chairs, and chaise
Trellises and vines
Mulch for temporary walkways
Pots of geraniums for front steps
It all seems so overwhelming that I know I can't stand a
gardening trip today. Next week,
perhaps. Will this be the
year I make the leap from armchair gardener to the real
thing?
Saturday, April 14, 2001
The lilies of the valley I planted have disappeared.
Rabbits ate the pansies, squirrels got the tomatoes, and
deer and ground hogs nibbled everything else down to the
ground. Noticing the wild leeks, I
think of all the wild
foods I wish grew here: asparagus,
lamb's quarters, morels,
fiddleheads.
The long, difficult winter seemed to drag on, with me full
of doubts and darknesses. I
subscribe to the belief that
“It’s always darkest before the dawn,” however, and tend to
greet the impasses and difficulties as harbingers of growth,
even if I have to keep reminding myself and allowing others
to remind me.
From learning theory, I remember that confusion, doubt, and
frustration signal that learning is about to take place and
that cognitive reorganization is beginning. Dabrowski’s
theory of positive disintegration also reminds me that
anxiety marks progress, and that I must walk through periods
of fear and uncertainty before arriving at the higher level
of existence.
Resisting the urge to start a separate garden journal, I
shuffle through old gardening magazines and catalogs to cut
out pictures and take notes: Hummingbirds
love scarlet-
runner beans. Plant dill near
tomatoes and peppers to lure
away the horn worms. Basil and
tomatoes strengthen each
other if companion-planted.
In my journal, I take stock of my life and give thanks for
my many blessings. It's a quiet
life, but I'm finally in a
position to appreciate peace. I
think of Rilke, who wrote:
"Say not that your daily life is dull. Say you are not poet
enough to call forth its riches."
I limp around the yard, poking under layers of leaf mold
with my cane. The soil appears
black and spongy after
decades of neglect--rich, and capable of sustaining growth.
Is this not a miracle of possibilities?
Tuesday, May 15, 2001
No trips to the garden store. No
table and chairs, no
trellises, no vines, no mulch, no geraniums. The secret
gardens in my back yard have not yet materialized.
But on a metaphorical level, I do what I can. I stand at the
heavy wooden gate of the invisible future, fling it wide,
step forward, and extend my hand. "Welcome, friends," I say.
"Come into my garden."
=======================================================
Telecommunity: An Invitation
=======================================================
Over the past several months, I have been delighted to learn
just how large a group of like-minded people have connected
with the New Life Stories website and newsletter. I've
gotten to know so many wonderful, talented, and courageous
individuals. Some are preparing to
write new stories for
themselves, and some already are in the process. Now I want
to share this wonderful community with all of you, so that
you can get to know and learn from one another.
After all your requests for groups, classes, and community,
I am ready to move in that direction. I
will be offering a
variety of group experiences about writing, practical living
strategies, and moving forward with your life using the New
Life Stories process. At this
point, my responsibility is
to listen carefully to each of YOU, so I can be the best
possible resource for all of you.
Make a simple telephone call to a bridge number to join our
new, caring circle -- the New Life Stories Community of
Friends -- on Thursday, May 24, 2001 from 8:00-9:00 PM (New
York) EDT. The only cost to you is a regular long-distance
call. There are no extra conference
call charges. For
example, if you have the new 5-cent-per-minute long-distance
service, the call only will cost you $3.00. You may also
have a phone card that is cheaper. Also,
please don't
disqualify yourself automatically because you live far
away. Calls from many countries to
the US are amazingly
affordable, so do check the rates.
I hope you will reach out and become part of this warm and
supportive community. Hear living voices, as we share our
needs, hopes, dreams, and directions for the future. I'll
tell you my ideas and I hope you will share yours.
Together, we'll explore the best ways to build and expand
our resource-full community. We can
discuss which classes
and groups will be most valuable for you.
The bridge line has room for only 150 people, so send me
your RSVP as soon as possible at:
mailto:telecommunity@newlifestories.com.
Click on
the link or copy and paste into your e-mail
program. To give me a head start, include some information
about you and what you'd like to see happen at New Life
Stories. Be sure to include your
first name and your
location. I won't be able to answer your message personally,
but I'll send you an automated reply with the bridge number
to call and some tips to make the call as fulfilling as
possible.
Wonderful people are waiting to meet you! Come
join us.
=======================================================
Why Stories Matter (Part 1)
=======================================================
"That's the story of my life," said the young woman as she
slammed the file on the table and ran out of the meeting.
Accustomed to such behavior from her, we resumed without
comment. Wherever she went, trouble followed.
"If that's the story of her life," I thought, "Then maybe
she needs a new story." On
that day, I began thinking about
the ways stories teach and form us. Whether
we realize it
or not, we each have a core of stories we live by. Stories
determine the ways we see ourselves and the world, and the
principles by which we decide to act. Our
internal stories
set our intentions, since what we look for, we tend to find.
Stories give us purpose and direction. "To tell a story is
to construct a life," wrote Deena Metzger. In other words,
we are the stories we tell ourselves.
The world is made up of stories, and so are we.
Stories shape our experience at the same time we put our
experiences into words and stories. Stories
and experiences
reinforce one another in a circular fashion. We've been
given those stories by our culture, our teachers, our
religious leaders, our families. Almost
everything we know
has was taught to us in the form of a story.
Stories serve as foundations for our lives.
We take the stories our families have handed us, and at an
early age we begin to live out those scripts. With help
from our parents and others around us, we start to shape
ourselves and our environments to fit the story. In a
sense, we choose the costumes, props, and sets for our
story, then set about hiring (and firing) the actors to play
out the parts we've "written" for them. Seen in this light,
we may blame others less. Ever notice how a succession of
"actors" will fill the same role over time?
Stories give shape to our experience.
Even the name of a story has power because it focuses our
attention and provides a meaning and framework for the
story. Titling a story involves
intention, judging, and
interpreting as we go. We tend to
find what we're looking
for, so a story directs our search, however unconsciously.
When we write or say to ourselves, "This is a story
about..." we choose a direction for the story to take. If
we begin to give an account of our victimization, for
example, we select details to support that construction.
But if we set out to tell a story of empowerment,
liberation, or redemption, our attention will focus on facts
and events to build toward that conclusion. In telling a
story, we must choose the elements that comprise it.
Stories bear witness to truth.
Without witnesses and their descriptions of their
experiences to create documentation, our personal and
cultural history would be lost. Letters,
journals,
chronicles, documentary films, even fiction accounts
preserve metaphorical truth. Since
stories have the power
to touch hearts and consciences, it has the power to help
bring about change, to correct injustices. In Victorian
England, Charles Dickens' novels exposed the abysmal living
conditions of the lower classes and the harsh treatment of
children working long hours in dangerous mills and
factories. He managed to convey
truth so vividly that his
readers could put themselves emotionally in his characters'
places. By bringing those horrible
conditions to the public
conscience, he brought about political change: Because of
his novels, the Poor Laws were repealed and new laws were
created for free and compulsory education for all children.
Stories help us understand one another.
In listening to the narratives of others who have gone
before us, we find we travel in company, not alone. We
learn that others have traveled similar paths. We discover
common threads and universal themes. As
more and more
people write their confessions, memoirs, and
autobiographies, we see that all our stories are more alike
than different. Shared stories give us community that
transcends time and space.
As we know the power of stories in our lives, we learn to
tell them deliberately to shape our lives and our world. By
telling stories, we create our truths, our foundations, our
communities, our world, and we create a future in which we
can bring possibilities to fruition.
=======================================================
Moving Forward
=======================================================
In order to use stories to move forward with your life, you
might want to try one or more of the following suggestions:
* Tell the stories you live by, the stories you grew up
with.
* If you haven't already begun, try writing short pieces of
the story of your life.
* Consider writing a "timed autobiography" of your entire
life. Start with a 30-minute story,
a five-minute story,
then a 30-second story. Notice what
insights appear as you
are forced to choose only the most important elements.
* Look at the collected photographs of your life and
family. Pretend to be an
anthropologist from the future to
see what clues and insights you can gain by keen
observation. What stories do your
pictures tell?
* Try making a visual representation of your life story in a
map, drawing, sculpture, collage, or painting.
* Ask yourself about your purpose in life.
* Consider becoming the author of your own life.
=======================================================
Books/Links/Resources
=======================================================
Writing Your Life
How could I have missed this wonderful book? Even the
subtitles don't do it justice--Putting Your Past on Paper
and How to Transform Your Life Experiences into Captivating
Nonfiction. Caution: This book could pull you irresistibly
toward the blank page. Whether you
write fiction, non-
fiction, poetry, or journal, Lou Willett Stanek's unique
prose, quotations, jump-starts, and prompts will evoke more
material from you than you can imagine. Includes
a list of
memorable memoirs.
Writing Your Life: Putting Your Past on Paper
http://bn.bfast.com/booklink/click?sourceid=1342882&ISBN=0380786257
The Heroics of Everyday Living
If you or someone you love dances with chronic illness or
disability, you'll want to meet Jillian Leslie and read her
new life story. Her website
features a wealth of resources
for adults, teens, children, family, and friends. Explore
inspiring personal accounts, expert interviews,
informational articles, armchair travel, coping strategies,
pen pals, creative arts, attitude boosters, and much more.
She also offers opportunities for publishing your story on
her site. Learn about Jillian's
mission to show people how
they can live a full life in spite of illness. Don't forget
to sign up for her free newsletter.
http://www.everydaywarriors.com/
Journals and You
Walk your path to personal growth and create the life that's
waiting for you... through journal writing. Join one of the
premier journaling email lists - "Journals and You", hosted
at Topica.com. Chosen by Topica as a "Best List" on December
18, 2000. Everyone welcome -
beginners and experienced
journalers. Recent discussions include handwritten vs.
computer journals, prompts to get you started writing, and
suggested journaling books. To subscribe, send a blank email
to: mailto:journaling-subscribe@topica.com.
Writing for Life
Writer and herbalist Margaret Knorr has a new website!
Check out the journaling tips and exercises, lifewriting
tips, writing groups, and fabulous links. Her
new
newsletter is written from a conservative Christian
perspective, and contains daily bible readings, articles,
and writing prompts.
http://www.geocities.com/mairearad/
Dr.
Encouragement
Dr. John Nield has first-hand knowledge about adjusting to
life's challenges. He recently
retired from college
teaching after his own moment of truth: blindness from a
torn retina. With his eyesight partially restored, he now
shares his "vision," through insightful stories about real
life. You'll want to check out his
award-winning Audio
Adjustment Collection and browse the archives for a dose of
warmth, wisdom, and encouragement.
http://www.DrEncouragement.com/
Bard's Ink
Writer's groups can provide critique, support, and
friendship. Welcome to Bard's Ink, a working writer's
community. Bard's Ink is a group of published and aspiring
writers, working in all genres. Writer
Penny Duane has
collected writing prompts, wonderful quotations about the
writing process, an introduction to the writers' works, and
many other resources. On the home
page, you'll find a
helpful set of guidelines for critique groups.
http://www.iprimus.ca/~pjduane/
Gryphon's Links
Writer Sue Legault has surfed the net to bring you helpful
resources for poets and writers. Check
out her writers'
quotations, links, and gems.
http://www.iprimus.ca/~pjduane/GryphonsLinks.htm
Get Organized Now
Maria Gracia's website and practical newsletter can help you
find and create time to write and live life on your own
terms. A wealth of tips and ideas
for simplifying your
life.
http://www.getorganizednow.com/
Running River
A "virtual village" for writers and artists. A cozy little
place with chat rooms, discussion boards, resource links, e-
book reviews, and more.
http://www.runningriver.com/
Library Research
Bring the world to your computer screen by accessing the
powerful resources at smartonline.com. Click on "Reference
Library," then "Libraries" to access hundreds of public
libraries all over the world. From
the home page, you'll
also find just about anything else you need to know, from
almanacs to zip codes and nearly everything in between.
http://www.smartonline.com/
Furious Pen
Do you enjoy reading or writing short-short stories?
Furious Pen E-Zine showcases narratives of less than 200
words. Each bi-monthly issue
centers around a theme. The
next newsletter deadline is June 15, with the topic of
"Reunion." Try your hand
at flash fiction, and you may see
your name in print.
http://furiouspen.8m.com/
A Course in Happiness
To change your world, change your thoughts. With ancient
wisdom made eternally new, A Course in Happiness teaches
that outside events do not cause happiness or unhappiness in
our lives, but our reactions and choices do. Presenting a
philosophy to live by, A Course in Happiness shows how to
give up the struggle and say "Yes" to life with awareness,
understanding, and acceptance. Twenty modules of lessons,
points to ponder, and food for thought.
http://members.optusnet.com.au/~happiness/
The Journal Site
One of the biggest and most comprehensive sites on the
Internet for all journal-related topics is the Journal Site
at About.com with veteran guide Catherine deCuir. Whether
you want great links, guidelines for getting started,
writing prompts, polls, interviews, or tips for various
kinds of journals, you'll find what you need here.
http://journals.about.com/index.htm
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Life Stories never
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Contact Information
E-Mail: mailto:ellenmoore@newlifestories.com
Website: http://www.newlifestories.com/
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Distribution Rights
The above material is copyrighted, but you may
retransmit or distribute it to whomever you wish as
long as not a single word is changed, added or
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© Copyright 2001 by Ellen Moore, Ph.D. - All Rights Reserved.
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